Chapter #9 Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell (03/05/10)

The little white alarm with blue numbers had been with her since grade school. It was set for 6AM, but her eyes were already open and it was 4. She couldn't remember the last time the alarm actually woke her up, a shrieking sound that repeats over and over and over if the volume is turned up. Sometimes she falls asleep before it goes off but can always be awake before 6. Her room always has a light on but that's not the reason she's awake, she counts down the minutes until the time the alarm will sound. Its a signal not an alarm. Instead of waking up to her little white alarm clock with blue numbers she uses it to announce the arrival of her mother and her boyfriend coming home from their nightly travels around such a small Vermont town.

Wreeeek! .. Wreeeek! .. Wreek!, the alarm itself vibrates from the sound. As she blinks her way into the moment it's natural for her to reach over, turn off the alarm and set the radio to turn on in two hours. Now that she knows what time it is, she can lay back and wait. It was a time to wait for the worst or hope for the best, she's determined that this year she'll get away from her room, her home, her mom, and the memories she wants to forget. Before the sun rises on another desperate day, the pair can be heard arguing on their way up the steps. The day is finally over and it's time for some sleep before tomorrow comes with the sound of classic rock coming from the little white alarm clock with blue numbers she'll never leave behind.

'Murphy...' 'Murphy!' ... The manager was calling her name out as he came up behind her at the packing machine. Putting light bulbs inside plastic covers with a cardboard backing over and over again can put the mind and body in two different places at the same time. Each motion is the same as the one before. The machine operators fingers are accustomed to locating and grasping the correct number of bulbs the first time every time and the procedures to correctly get the bulbs into position in their plastic cover is the same as well. For someone who has worked next to a machine like this for five years or more can imagine themselves anywhere while there body remains working. So little attention is needed by experienced packers like Murphy Barret, the girl who would do anything to be doing something else. Sylvan Bulb was just her employer and the manager was just her boss. No matter what could happen at Sylvan, she'd be able to move on and leave it in the past.

'Shut it down.'

It was hard to hear. The machine made enough noise that workers were required to protect their hearing and since her boss had a less than convincing voice when he spoke, she turned to look at him only because she could tell that someone was right there next to her.

'Did you say something?'

Murphy always spoke in a raised voice when she was at work. It was easy to have to repeat yourself over and over again when fighting against the sound of a hundred packing machines whirring and spinning and grabbing and making noise all the way.

'I didn't hear what you said.'

'SHUT IT DOWN!'

'OK! OK!... if you say it like that...' She turned toward the machine and reached under the moving table to the emergency power switch and pushed it. There is another switch that doesn't activate an emergency counter but since he was in a fit right now maybe there was an emergency.

'There, it's off.' 'Can I ask why?, I mean I just got going.'

What she could of said was that she had just left town for her happy place and she was content at spending the entire hundred gross of bulbs there. By then it would be lunch time and she could force herself back to the present, eat, and come back to her machine and her imaginary escapes.

'No one told me about any meeting either so I hope this is just a rush job that needs to be set up.' If that the case you could have just sent down the paperwork.'

'What do you need me to do?'

'You need to find another job Murphy, were cutting crew in the production department and now you have the lowest seniority.'

"Wait...., isn't there someone with less seniority here than me?'

'I mean, I wasn't expecting to be laid off.' 'Everyone else received notice about the upcoming reduction in crew numbers.' 'I didn't receive...'

'It's because there needed to be more cuts Murphy.' 'You are one of the lower seniority crew members since the bulk of the layoffs and with your work history, human resources picked you to be one of the last layoffs to be made.' 'It's nothing personal you know.' 'Blame it on the economy.'

'Sure, blame it on the rain..' 'Fucking idiot' It happened so quickly there was no time for regret. Not time for a depressed feeling as it was happening. Everything seemed to be coming together for her to take the next step in her escape from the here and now and move on somewhere else. It didn't matter where or how, it just needed to be now. As Murphy Walsh shut the door of the Sylvan Bulb plant behind her, she didn't let it hit her in the ass on the way out, instead she shoved it back into itself and cracked the door from top to bottom.

'You're welcome'

It's all she said without turning back to make amends. With every step she took from now on would be a step out of her skin, away from her past and the person she thought she was right now. Her inability to express herself was paralyzing and there was no hope for her to feel again unless she could climb out of the past and away from the past and avoid her future here in small town Vermont.

One the way home she stopped at the CVS to buy some Motrin. As she pulled into the lot she had to stop before she ran into an old truck pulling a dirty house trailer that has obviously quit right there on the spot. There wasn't enough room to get around and her rear end was sticking out the edge of the entryway, without waiting to realize that she wasn't going anywhere, she put the her little red Acura in reverse and maneuvered into a parking spot a few yards behind her. As she turned the key off and was grabbing for her purse the scene if front of her kept her eyes glued on the truck and the trailer and the short man kicking the tires in disgust.

She broke away from the scene long enough to exit the car and head to towards the entrance to CVS and her headache relief. Without any more delay she was in and out, carrying the white plastic bag over her wrist and jostling the ignition key out from the rest of the useless keys on her ring. The sight of red lights pulling away where the truck once was let her catch the back of the dirty house trailer with a bright white sign on the back the said 'Bennington Spring Fling April 10-24'

Maybe it was because she was having such a bad day and feeling like all she wanted to do was leave this place and this headache behind, but she hurried to the car and began to follow the truck for a short drive through Bennington, towards the hills to the north, until it stopped.

She pulled off the road too. On the other side of the road in the parking lot of the lumber yard. She parked the car and turned off all the lights. Not only did this diversion give her something else to think about, but there was nothing better than relaxing in her car at night, alone. The seats in the Acura could be adjusted to a laid out position that fit her perfectly and allowed her to still see out the driver's door window as well. She pulled on the seat lever and pushed herself back until she was comfortable. She focused her gaze out the window and was able to see that the man in the truck had friends who came to see him in. After a moment or two a number of head lights began to turn on. More and more headlights continued to be turned on and Murphy could see how they were directing the little man in the truck up into the parking area where all the other house trailers were parked. Beacons in the night watched as a new member entered the park and once it was position in the proper place, they began to dim and turn out. After 10 minutes all the lights were out and Murphy was left alone, parked, and resting. She continued to stay there and think about how she was going to find her way without the light as a hundred beacons pointing her in the right direction. Her eyes closed and she dreamed of the lights. At 4 am the next morning she woke, the car was cold and the air was stale. It was still early enough to call it tonight, but Murphy knew how close it was to tomorrow. She found the keys between her legs after searching the console and along the floorboards next to the seat. The longer it took to find them the faster her movements became with each hurried breath. She never wanted to arrive home at the same time as her mother. Her mother would curse at her for her behavior while the boyfriend would encourage her rebellion. Murphy had enough reason to avoid contact with either of them even if they were her parents. At 17 she wanted only to be free from her life as it was and find somewhere she could be what she always wanted to be, in love and in control.




Wreeeek! .. Wreeeek! .. Wreek!

And it was time to wake up even though she had only just closed her eyes. The clock knows nothing about how a person feels. It just followed a routine and made sure that Murphy followed hers.

'You're awake right?'

The pulsing sound of the alarm was replaced by a one way conversation with the clock.

'Remember to take me with you when you go, you may need me there too.'

Now the radio was ready to play at eight and before she closed her eyes to sleep, she saw herself in another place, at night, bathed in headlights and searching for who was on the other side of the light...'

'I won't forget.'

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Carnevale, Carne Vale, Carnival

Brazilian dancers are practicing for this year's grand ball and Samba competitions all over Rio de Janeiro, Sua Paulo, and other, Brazilian Metropolitan areas. The lifestyle of Carnivale in Brazil is much like the Mardi Gras of America. That emotion is felt by the carnival crews who work hard and party even harder after work.

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